Shave and a Haircut...

Another first for my baby. I gave Sawyer is first haircut last night. He was getting bad baby mullet, although I loved his curls at the nape of his neck!

He was so good for it, too. Craig held him...he sat still, not quite sure what was going on...then just let me do my thing. At one point, we thought he was falling asleep. The buzz of the clippers seemed to calm him.

Friends

This Christmas I have to say I've already gotten the greatest gifts. Of course, I'm thankful for my family. They are happy and healthy, but I often overlook the great gift of friendship.

Last week, the boys and I went down to Maryland to see my best friend, Chris. She has three boys too. We made Christmas cookies and enjoyed each others' company. Visiting with Chris is like having a therapy session...only cheaper. Lately, we've been trying to get together every couple of weeks. We try to write it down on our calendars so it an important as a doctor's appointment or business meeting. It's been awesome.

Our friendship means so much to me. I can tell her when I'm having a awful day, when I feel like the worst parent in the world, or when I've had it up to here and can't go on. Somehow, she knows just what to say to make the situation seem okay. She's seen me at my very worst and still loves me.

For years, I was an awful friend...awful to the point that I don't deserve her friendship (or anyone elses for that matter), she should have written me off long ago. But she didn't. I'm so glad I don't get what I deserve. I'd be in a really horrible place if I did. We had some rough years, yes. But I feel as if I'm closer to her now than we were in high school or college.

I have three good friends from high school that I still keep in touch with...along with Chris, there's Mel and Steph. They were all in our wedding. I said at the rehearsal dinner, God gave me two sisters...Conestoga Valley gave me three more. We don't see each other as often as we'd like. We're all moms and going in different directions, but when we're together, its great...like no time has passed at all. Again, I'm lucky that they are super forgiving...and don't hold my flaws against me. If they did, I'd constantly be in the friend dog house.


I wish I had all the right words to express how important their friendship is to me, but I can't even come close. Just know that I'm grateful each and every day that I can call them friends. I love you guys.

Christmas Eve

It's the day before Christmas...hard to believe.
Where does the time go?

I spent the day at home yesterday because Jackson was sick. It was actually a good day. I got some one on one time with Jackson and got a few things done. I wrapped presents, I baked cookies, I did a few Christmas cards. I was exhausted by the end of the day.

The good news, Jackson is feeling better, but Craig's mom is in the hospital. She had some chest pains last night, called the ambulance, and was admitted. They didn't find anything...but kept her to run more tests. We're praying that she'll get a clean bill of health.

With all the busy-ness of the holiday, I'm trying hard to remember the reason for the season. This is about the birth of Jesus Christ...not about the cookes, the lights, and the decorations.

priceless

this is not a set up....and it's too cute not to share!

First Snow

we enjoyed our first little snow on november 21st. the boys couldn't wait to get out. we hit the sidwalk at 7:15...i stayed inside for the most part with Sawyer. Connor and Jackson played for about 2 hours before they finally headed in. they loved every chilly moment! although connor was disappointed that we couldn't create a snow ball fort or a snow man. oh, well...there's plent of time for that.

Jackson's Big Day & Turkey Day

hard to believe...but my little guy is three. he enjoyed lots of fun with cousins and aunts and uncles. we celebrated a few times. we had a small family party on his birthday...then had my family...then the whole crew for thanksgiving day. he had a blast...he loved that fact that it was finally HIS birthday.

Oh Christmas Tree

So, we went to pick out of Christmas tree yesterday. It's become a family tradition to go the day after Thanksgiving. The trees were expensive! The boys loved wondering through the trees and picking their favorite...okay, okay, maybe it was more like racing through the aisles, but I'm revisionist. We picked out a good one, though...strapped it to the roof and headed home.

We took our "official" family photo. As you can see, the boys were quite cooperative. Ha, Ha! Oh, well, this is our life.

Hello....?

So, I'm at work tonight and called home to check on Craig and the boys. Connor answered...no surprise there. He was out of breath and laughing. He apparently raced Craig to the phone, and won. After a few moments, he put Craig on the phone and I got my evening update on all the fun I'm missing. Including a walk to the park at Rockvale, a visit to the toy store, and pizza for dinner.

Then...the next voice I heard was a new one. This sweet little voice came on the phone and said, "hi mommy". I thought I knew who it was...but I wasn't quite sure. He continued on with a laugh and said, we're having fun. I asked him if he was being good, he answered yes! Then, he said...bye Mommy, I love you! It was my little Jackson. I couldn't believe it. He's never really talked on the phone before...tonight, he wowed me. I smiled for the next hour just thinking about how much Jackson has changed in the last few months. What a sweetie pie.

Trick or Treat, Smell my Feet....

Halloween was a fine time for us this year. The boy's got a chance to dress up for school on Wednesday. They enjoyed their costumer parade with their friends. I've never seen Connor get ready for school faster...when I told him he could wear his spider man outfit he nearly jumped out of bed.

This is the first time I stayed to watch the Costume Parade. It was so much fun. My heart swelled with pride as my little boys walked past and waved!

So, Friday, we did our annual Halloween dinner at my sister Lisa's house. I made dinner and took it over since I had the day off. The boys were so excited to dress up and get out there. It was hard to get them to eat. They were also excited about trick or treating with their cousins Lindsey and Seth. We had a great time.

Sawyer sat in his stroller and just enjoyed the ride. Jackson didn't like it at first...I don't think he really understood what we were doing, but he quickly caught on. He wanted to stop periodically and eat some of his candy though...which slowed him down quite a bit. Connor had a blast...he was eager to knock on doors and ring door bells. We had to slow him down a few times. At one house, he introduced himself...I'm Connor Mitchell Esbenshade...but right now, I'm the spectacular spider man! Too cute.

We had such a great time! These three little guys bring such joy to my heart. I can't help but smile when I think of them.

Sawyer's First Birthday

Hard to believe how fast a year can go. Our little guy is a year old...and walking to beat the band. He's such a cutie and much loved by all.

We celebrated his birthday with family on October 11th. We all had a great time. His brothers and cousins were more interested in his presents than he was...not a big surprise though. He loved his cake...especially the icing. It didn't take him long to figure out that he could play with it and eat it.

Can't believe a year has gone by...I can still clearly remember the night Sawyer was born and the first time I held him in my arms. He was such a big guy. We knew right from the start that he was something special. He barely cried and also had such a sweet disposition. He truly is a gift from God. I couldn't imagine our family without our little Noah Sawyer!

PS Craig and I got to see Sawyer take his first steps. We were all sitting in the living room one evening during the first week of October. I was in the chair and a half...Craig was on the floor with Sawyer. Sawyer stood up and and took three steps to Craig. It was so cool. The next day, he took three steps to Connor. Connor loved it! Before long Sawyer was taking over!

It's been a long time....

I can't believe how long its been since i blogged. I feel bad...especially since so much has been happening at home. I'm afraid I'll start to forget stuff...okay, I guess the better statement is..I'm afraid of how much I'll forget.

Well, its been a busy few months.

First of, we're expecting baby #4. Crazy, I know. I'm still trying to wrap my head around it. I know we'll be okay, but the thought of another person to take care of is a bit overwhelming. No doubt, we have enough love to give....its just the sleep I don't want to give up. Anyway, I know its in God's plan for us to have another child and my prayer is for a healthy baby.

The boys enjoyed getting ready for fall. They especially enjoyed a trip to our neighbors to pick out pumpkins and gourds.

Craig's sister Lynn got married in September. Thanks to my Dad and sisters, it marked the first night away Craig and I have had together without the boys since Connor was born. The wedding was lovely and we had a great time in the Finger Lakes of New York.

Of course, Sawyer's First Birthday was a big deal. I'll post those pictures next.

Olympic Overload

We've really enjoyed watching the Summer Games from Beijing....though I must say I'm glad they're over. All these incredible gold medal performances have meant really late nights for me. When the olympics don't end until after 12....or later...the news can't go on until after the olympics. So tack on another half hour and a twenty minute drive home and you've got a long night...short overnight. A couple of time, I've gotten home around 2, only to have Sawyer wake up at 5. UGH! I'm left craving sleep...and a little cranky.

Anyway, the Olympics have offered a few cute blog notes. Connor was watching gymnastics the other afternoon. He commented that he loved the girls nice tight red suits...and they looked nice on her butt! Another time he was watching and told me the gymnast had "really nice moves." So cute.

Jackson is talking up a storm. He's totally coming out of his shell. He'll tell you what he wants to do...and if you don't listen...he'll grab your hand and pull you along. He's been really sweet with Sawyer...calming him if he cries, tickling under his chin.

We had another visit with the therapist Friday. She thinks he's going great with his interaction. So, she's heading in to day care to observe there. Katy tells us that Jackson doesn't really talk there...and keeps to himself. So, we'll see if there's anything we can work on.

During Friday's session, Connor and Jackson were going back and forth playing. Jackson said, "its Connor's turn." At which point, Connor said, Mom...how does he know my name? HA!

Sawyer is continuing to grow and thrive. He's pulling himself up on the furniture and even started climbing up the stairs last week. We've got to keep an eye on him, he's so quick! He was 8 teeth (4top, 4 bottom) he's really starting to eat table food...he loves raisins, bananas, graham crackers, ham and chicken nuggets. He'll be turning one before we know it!

Craig is coaching volleyball at Conestoga Valley this season. He got lots of media coverage this week since he coach Olympic medalist Kim Glass when she was at CV. WGAL had him on and he was in the Lancaster Intelligencer too. He said he'll soon need an agent! They start the season this week. I'm praying for patience...and lots of sleep.

August Already?

Connor and spent a Saturday morning turning him into Clifford the Big Red Dog. The craft project was part of a DVD Grandma Esbenshade rented. Connor couldn't wait to have his own Clifford ears and nose...we even made a tail!

Here are my guys! Enjoying a special evening watching Tom and Jerry on the portable DVD player in Connor's room. Aren't they cute?

Yep, it's August already. Where did the summer go? Time just sweeps past us. Life has been good for the Esbenshade clan. I've been feeling a little under the weather, but I'm trying to get more sleep, eat better, and take vitamins. Hopefully, I'll be feeling better in no time.

We had our first visit with a therapist for Jackson yesterday. She was really nice...Carol is her name. She asked a lot of questions, then helped show us some ways to encourage Jackson to interact with us. We'll work on it...and she'll be back in two weeks.

Sawyer is growing like a weed. It seem like he's getting a new tooth every time we turn around. He's got 8 choppers now. He gets a little fussy, but it usually his pleasant self. He's also crawling at full throttle! Boy, can this kid move. Things have gotten a whole lot busier with him on the move.

Connor is doing great. He's really into spider man right now. He loves the Saturday morning cartoon and could watch it over and over, if we let him. He's cute to watch...he tries to remember the theme song, then sings it back to us. He got into a little trouble pretending to be spider man though. He was using a bungie cord with hooks of the end to "swing" from the top of the swing set. Well, he tried to pull Jackson up to the top of the swing set with the hook (also known as his web)...the hook broke free and snapped up hitting Connor's eye. Fortuantely, I was outside mowing...I didn't see it happen, but I did see Connor in tears, sliding down the sliding board. He has a nice gash on the top of this eye lid...and the eye lid got pretty swollen, but after a good bit of Mommy TLC...and a Hershey kiss, he was doing pretty well. I think he'll have a scar, but it would have been a lot worse!

Assessment

So, we had Jackson's assessment yesterday. The "team" came at 2:00 and stayed until 5:00. It was three people for three hours.

I took the day off...and was nervous about it all day. I kept having butterflies in my stomach. I wasn't sure what to expect...and I wasn't sure I wanted to know the outcome. I want Jackson to be perfect and brilliant...and he is, but I don't want him to ever have to struggle with anything. I makes my heart hurt just thinking about my sweet little boy.

Well, Jackson did great. He was his usual laid back self...he didn't get worked up at all with all the strangers and the questions. He did what he was asked...then did his own thing until it was time to do another activity.

In the end, the tests showed that he's doing great in gross motor skills, cognitive, fine motor skills and adaptability. He's on the border line with some speech stuff and with social/emotional. So, we're going to start having some therapist come to the house every other week to help us help him.

I want to do whatever I can to help him. I'll read every book, every article...do whatever it takes to help him. I pray God will give me the knowledge and the skill to give him what he needs. I know what it means to be willing to laid down your own life for someone else. I would do anything for my children.

I keeping looking at Jackson's picture on my desk. He has such great smiling eyes...his grin is contagious...and his laugh, oh his laugh...

I love you jackson!

My Guys

It's been a while since i've blogged. We've been pretty busy...

Life's been good, but really, really hot. We're in our second heat wave of the summer. Four days of 90 degree plus. Ugh. We finally put in an air conditioner!

some cute stuff to savor....at church today, connor sat with us. When the pastor read scripture, he said "in the Bible it says..." Well, Connor piped up and said..."in the Bible it says to love our enemy...and Larry Boy!."

Ha! Ha!

A big week

I feel like I have a whole lot to share...and I don't want to forget any of it.

Tomorrow is Connor's 4th birthday. I can't believe it! How could four years have gone by so fast? It truly feels like the blink of an eye. I cannot imagine my life without my boys. They bring me such joy.

Connor, I cant tell you how happy you make me. You are like a little ray of sunshine in all of our lives. I can still remember the first time I looked at your. So cute...your big eyes, your chubby cheeks, your crazy hair. The other night I watched you sleeping. Your face looks much the same...just bigger. You will always be my sweet baby.

We had a bunch of people over on Saturday night for a birthday party. it was mostly family...along with close friends. We had hamburger and hot dogs. The funny part of the evening came when it was time for cake. I had made two cakes...Larry the Cucumber and Bob the tomato. They turned out really good. I stuck them in the fridge so they wouldn't melt. Well, Kelly had made sangria and placed the container sideways on top shelf. About half way through the night, Connor came out and told me there was an emergency...some of Kelly's juice had dripped on Larry. I wasn't quite sure what he meant, but I went to look. The sangria had spilled all over the fridge...leaving a sangria soaked Larry. After emergency medical treatment, Mel and I rescued Larry...he looked pretty good. No one was the wiser...and Connor was actually really good about it. He told Kelly that it was an accident, but he was still upset. We let him eat a very small piece of Larry...served the Bob the Tomato cake...and had a good time. Eventually we threw out Larry. Oh, my.

A couple cute Connor-isms of late.

He was running around the other day and I asked him if he was pooped. He turned around and told me no, he hadn't pooped. I said, i meant were you tired...he said, no mommy you said pooped and I didn't.

His teacher told him he was cute enough to eat. Connor looked at her, a bit stunned. He paused and said, Miss Brandy, at my house we don't eat people, we eat food. I almost fell over when she told me that one.

Sawyer hasn't been feeling well over the last few days. He's had a cold and is now cutting his front two teeth. He's had a fever and has been a bit fussy. Poor guy. He's still smily and sweet though.

Jackson is doing great. He's really developing a sense of humor. He loves interacting with both his brothers. This morning he was racing around Sawyer's room trying to get him to smile. We set up his assessment for July 29th. We'll see what happens. More and more, I think he's on the right track. He loves to read...and really has been enjoying Thomas the tank engine books. He can't get enough of them...though right now, we're getting a big sick of reading them.

This weekend marks our wedding anniversary. We're heading to a phillies game Friday night with fireworks to follow. I'm really excited. I'm so thankful for Craig. Our life is good. The last few years have been remarkable. Three beatiful little boys, a great house and property...lots and lots of fabulous memories. Who could ask for more?


I had five days off this past week. It was such a great time. Craig and I took Connor's birthday off. We took the boys to the Strasburg Railroad...then went out to lunch at Burger King...for dinner Connor requested taco pie without onions and Pop Pop. He asked, we delivered. It was a fun day for all of us.

As we neared our wedding anniversary, I really started to think of all the poeple who helped us get ready for our wedding. All the people who helped paint and pull weeds and set up. All the people who stood up for us. All the people who played a role in our courtship. All the people who witnessed our commitment. I went through a lot of those people...and prayed for them. I prayed for my best friend Chris who honored me by being my matron of honor. Her friendship remains a treasure to me. I prayed for Mel and Ger who spent countless hours helping us to manual labor on the farm. Mel served as co-matron of honor and Ger was a groomsman for Craig. I can never thank them enough. I prayed for Steph and Brian who were in the wedding party and whose friendship we value. I prayed for Chip and Donna, Kevin and Kim, and Joel and Lonna who had to travel to be part of our wedding...yet they never gave it a second thought. I prayed for Pastor Ken who shared the ceremony with Frank Ferrarri. What a blessing. I prayed for our families who were there for our whole courtship. They've seen us at our best and our worst. I asked God to bless all of the guests and others who had a part in our special day...and in our marriage. I prayed for Craig...my honorable and adorable husband. Frank Ferrarri prayed at our wedding that the Lord would enlarge our territory....and bless us abundantly. We can see that happening.

Thank you, Lord. Thank you for blessing us beyond measure, for giving us more than we could ever deserve. Thank you for the sweet little boys that make our lives a joy....and make the little sleep we get well worth it. What would we do without them? Thank you for giving us a love that endures. Thank you for blessing us with forgiving and forgiven hearts. Thank you.

Friends....

I'm an incredibly fortunate person. I mean that. When it comes down to it, I lead a pretty darn good life.

There are a number of reasons for that. I'll begin with the three tiniest reasons. Connor, Jackson and Sawyer. They make me laugh. Everyday I am reminded of how lucky I am to be their mom. Sometimes its as simple as a laugh...or a funny face.

We had a really good day today. We were in charge of children's nursery at 8:15 today. We barely got there in time. Turns out, there were no kids other than our own. So, we laid on the floor and played with our boys. It was great fun. We all really enjoyed it.

At church, they have a puzzle with the alphabet. I thought I'd test the boys a little. Connor wasn't really interested, but Jackson...he's the man. He knows about half the alphabet. I think S is his favorite letter. He knows a,b,c,d,e,f,l,m,n,o....a whole bunch of letters. And the ones he gets confused with are letters that look similar to other ones...like o and q, w and m, y and v. I'm way impressed!

After church, Connor wanted to go to Burger King and have a picnic. Since it was before 10 am, we decided to drive over to the Strasburg Railroad. Little did we know, it was Day out with Thomas. It was mobbed! But...the minute the boys saw Thomas, they flipped out. We decided to stay. It was spur of the moment...but we had so much fun. We ended up riding a little steam engine and promising that we'd return the next time Thomas was in town. I know this sounds cheesy, but watching the boys the first time they saw Thomas chugging in...it brought tears to my eyes. They were so excited. Connor just kept talking about how great this was, and how neat it was. Wow.

Last week, we went to visit my best friend and her boys Robert, Joe and Mitch. We were joined by two other girlfriends and their kids. It was a great time...except....We were supposed to go to the bay to swim, but the bay was closed. Too much bacteria. Yuck! There were dead fish everywhere, but that didn't spoil our time together. We went to the park...played in the sand...and ended up getting home at 8:45. It was a long day, but a lot of fun. More on that, next time.

Sad

Yesterday I sat in a courtroom and saw a boy who killed three people get sentenced to three consecutive life terms in prison. It was overwhelmingly sad. He was only 16 when he brutally stabbed his best friends' family to death. I'm not sure which is the worst part.

First, his family sat right behind me. i couldn't help but think of their pain. I couldn't imagine what it would be like to see your son in that situation. My heart hurts for them.

The victim's family sat in the jury box. They were so composed at first. They cried quietly as their loved ones were remembered. I tried to hold in the tears.

Then, there was the boy. Just 16 years old when he did this. He pled guilty. The evidence was overwhelming. He'll spend the rest of his life in prison. He showed no emotion. Not a bit. Not a tear, a quake, a shudder. He didn't say anything either. When asked, he couldn't or wouldn't say why he did it.

The DA says he did it just because he could. Because he wanted to kill someone and his friend was an easy target. I don't get it...I don't want to believe that that is possible. I can't wrap my head around it. He stabbed his best friend 15 times. It was brutal.

The only survivor of the family spoke to the court via a video tape. It was hard to watch. The judge released it to the media and we aired it on the 6:00 news. It felt so invasive. It's so sad

Happy Father's Day, Daddy!

It's Father's Day and we had a great day appreciating Dads. I asked Craig what he wanted to eat...he picked ribs, french fries and cole slaw. That's what we had. It turned out pretty well. I had never made ribs before. They were okay. Craig and my dad seemed to enjoy htem.

Craig couldn't sleep in because he had to work. So when he got home, I was going to make him breakfast...thigns were kind of crazy. I think he ate cereal, but I'm really not sure. We got him a few Ralph Lauren shirts and an MP3 player. I think he really like everything. I even took the time to load his U2 CD's onto the MP3 player. I'm hoping he'll use it.

After we ate, we all took naps. We needed them too.

I'll tell you why.

I got home around midnight...Craig was up and we talked until about 1. Sometime around 2:30am, I woke up. I'm not really sure why. I heard something in our room. Since I'm blind as a bat (pun intended) I couldn't really see what was going on. I could make out a shadow moving around our room. I nudged Craig...no respone. I grabbed my glasses and could see the shadow a little clearer. I hit Craig....no response. Now, I realized it was a bat flying in circles around our room. I kicked Craig....I got a grunt. I kicked, shook, shoved Craig...he woke up. I told him what was happening. He slid out of bed and out the door....leaving me lying in bed with the bat overhead. I yelled "hey, what about me!!!" Fending for myself, I leaped out the door.

We stood there, not quite sure what to do for a few minutes. I went and got to brooms to assist the bat with his exit. After a few deep breaths, my courageous husband ran into the room and opened a window. I could hear him grunt and groan (Craig, not the bat)...there were a few tense moments...a big crash as he knocked over the fan in our room. Then, finally, the bat was forced out the window.

What a relief. We ended up laughing and talking for another hour. This acutally happened to me before. When I lived in Harrisburg there was a bat in my bedroom one night. I had to battle it alone then. I'm so glad I had Craig there this time around. I slept with the light on.

Happy Birthday Barrett!

Connor attended his first "big boy" birthday party today. It was for his friend Barrett who turned 4. We went to high school with Barretts mom and the kids go to the same day care.

Connor was so excited. All morning he kept saying Happy birthday Barrett!. He got a little bit confused when he realized that only he and I were going. He thought we were all going. On the way there, I told him that Daddy was staying home with Jackson and Sawyer...and I was going with him. He told me all about what he wanted to do when we got there. He wanted to play with trains...and race tracks and cars. When I told him that other kids would be there, he was crestfallen. When we walked in the doors, he looked so sad. In his mind, he thought it would just be he and Barrett playing. He was incredibly disappointed when he saw the train table moved out of the way and covered with decorations. For the first 20 minutes, he clung to me. His face was so telling...this was not what he thought it would be.

Eventually, he warmed up to the whole thing. He played with is friends, even took a good whack at the pinata. By the end, he didn't really want to go home. As we were leaving Barrett gave each of his friends a present to take home. Connor was so excited! He said good bye to Barrett, gave him a hug (at my suggestion) then headed for the door.

We held hands on the way to the car. He was so full of joy, I could see it oozing out his ears. When we got in the car, he immediately asked if he could open the present. Since we were heading to Costco I told him sure. He ripped and tore through that wrapping paper like it was his job. He gave me the play by play...mommy, it's a book...mommy, it has fish on it....mommy there's an octopus....The whole time at Costco he sat in the cart and read his book. He was so good the whole time. When we were in line, he wanted me to tell the man next to us that he was my oldest son. Too cute. On the way home, he told me he was tired...within seconds he was fast asleep.

Jackson and Sawyer had a great time with their Daddy. Jackson enjoyed almost entire day with the entire play room to himself. He loved it!

On a side note...Connor and Jackson had a great time yesterday. We spent most of the afternoon in our new blow up pool. Pop Pop came over and played with us. It was great. After that, we sat at the kitchen table and painted. Jackson wanted the green paint. It's his favorite by far. He seemed to really enjoy painting and picking the colors. Connor wanted blue. He told us he was painting a mask...like spiderman. He painted his nose and forehead...and his left arm. He loved it!

Oh, another thing...last Saturday night Craig called me to tell me a cute thing about Jackson. They were sitting in Connor's room reading books when Jackson looked up at the wall. We have the letters to Connor's name hanging there. Jackson looked up and said....E-O-N-N-O-R. Impressive. We're not sure if he just memorized it...or if he really recognizes the letters. I think he may be learning his letters. This week we were watching Sesame Street and the letter N was on the screen. Jackson shouted out "N". So cool.

Overload

it's been too long since my last quick entry. I've got so much to share.

On the top of my mind is Jackson. Last week, we had parent/teacher conference for the boys. Sawyer's went well...he's rolling over and cooing on cue. Connor is good to go too. He's actually ahead of the game in many areas. When it came to Jackson, I knew something was wrong. His teacher couldn't even look at me. She basically said she's concerned about him. My heart sank. How could there be anything wrong with my sweet Jackson.


The teacher's concern centers on his fine motor skills. She gave us a few examples...he doesn't like to paint or color...he doesn't hold his shirt when he goes to the bathroom despite repeated attempts, he doesn't hold his hands flat when he washes them.

Just writing about it hurts. I love him so much, I want for him to never have to struggle in his life...

In some ways, this is a good thing. Its made us examine our focus. Have we been giving Jackson as much time and attention? Are we meeting his needs? Are we babying him because its easy.

We ended up moving him into a big boy bed this weekend. He seems to like it. He looks so cute...so little in that big bed. In the morning, he just stood as his door...not quite sure what to do.

I called our pediatrician. We agreed that the best thing to do is get Jackson assessed by a professional. We're working on setting up the appointment now. She said, don't lose any sleep over this...but I can't help it.

Moments

I have so many moments in my brain that i want to put down on paper.

Monday was gorgeous...Memorial Day. I had to work, Craig stayed home with the boys. It was tough to be working, knowing they were home and it could have been a great family day. I was eager to get home. When I did, I was welcomed with screams of...Mommy, mommy, mommy....
Connor and Jackson ran into my arms.

Somehow we all ended up on the hammock. We laid back...the sun filtering through the trees...and just rocked back and forth. It was so good. I laughed...and talked with the boys. Connor said..."mommy why don't you stay home and send daddy to your work. You could stay home with me everyday!"

After that, we went to Lori's for a picnic/pool party. It was a gorgeous evening, but the water was still cool so I didn't take our suits. It didn't take long for Connor to ask if he could get his feet wet. I took off his shoes...he put his toes in and loved it. He wanted to get his knees wet...so he took off his pants. His cousin caught sight of his Lightening McQueen tighty whities and started to laugh. He turned around...scowling...and and said..."i'm frustrated. don't laugh at me." Of course, that got everyone going even more. Connor got even more frustrated....he yelled some more then decided to put an end to it by simply taking his underpants off. Naked..and proud of it...Connor spent the rest of the evening entertaining us all. He loved the water...and we loved him.

As icing of the cake, Craig got into a huge water gun battle with Dwight, Austin, Gabby, Britt, and Britt's boyfriend Pete. His smile was huge! He was having so much fun. I stayed out of it...I figured if I stayed close to Sawyer, I was safe.

It was a great evening. I'm so thankful to Craig's family. We laugh and have a lot of fun. What a gift!

My Guys

So, I thought I should post a few pictures of my inspirations. The first three are Jackson. He's got such a great smile!
We took the boys bowling with the Holland boys. We had a blast. Connor gave up after three frames. Jackson....has a future. Jackson and Craig give each other a big high five after Jackson's first strike.

The reason I might have four children?!?!?!?!?

There's so much to be thankful for...90 degree heat a house with no air conditioning...the feel of sweat dripping down my back, gas prices at 4 dollars a gallonheating oil nearing 5 dollars a gallon. Okay, so I'm being a bit sarcastic. I'm not totally thrilled with the fact that its the first week of June...it's a scorcher and everything is costing an arm and a leg.

That being said, I'm really thankful. Life is good.Connor got up at 5 am today. The heat probably contributed to that...but he was in a great mood. He was full of chit chat. We talked about the shadows on the ceiling...the sound of Craig's car leaving the lane (he had to go to work). He wanted to wake up his brothers, but I wouldn't let him. We went downstairs and played with his race cars. We had a great morning...and before too long Sawyer and Jackson joined us.

Connor and Jackson are really enjoying playing with one another...most of the time. Sawyer just smiles and coos. He gets a lot of attention from his brothers. They love to tickle him and make him smile. Jackson is always making sure he has a pacifer...even if he doesn't need it.

We went to early church and let Connor sit in the service with us...at first. During the first prayer, he said out loud....can we pray for Seth and Lindsey? I told him yes, and quietly prayed for Seth and Lindsey. Unfortunately, it was while someone was singing a solo. Connor quickly scolded me for talking while the lady was singing. After that, he felt he should check on his brothers in the nursery...to make sure they weren't scared.Jackson is talking up a storm. He actually tattled on Connor yesterday. He said, "Mommy, Tonner hit me!" Craig and I both agreed...it was a nice change of pace. Jackson seems to be asserting himself more. We'll probably live to regret saying its nice, but seeing change in him is good.

Sawyer is doing great. He had his first taste of meat today. We fed him turkey and sweet potatoes. He loved every bite. Then, again...he loves everything.I went to a neat event last night, it was a fundraiser held at a local winery. The food was awesome. I even enjoyed a glass of wine. It was a fun evening...I would have enjoyed it more if I was with Craig.

I was just looking at another blog...they had a new baby. It got me thinking again. Could we do it with four kids? I'm just not sure. I'm praying God will make it clear....sky writing would do.

By the way, Craig looked at this blog. He liked it. It made me really happy to hear that. ;)

Learning to add pictures

I'm trying to teach myself how to add pictures to my blog. I think I've found success. This is a good one to start with...

A Beautiful Day

I told my husband I started a blog. First, I had to explain what a blog is. He caught on quickly. His question....why? And, "no offense, but whose going to read it." I told him, it really isn't about who can read it...it's totally selfish. For me, it's about saving our story. Though, I think I have to step it up a notch. I've been looking at other blogs. This one looks a little boring. I'llh have to add some pictures and stuff. I'll get to that.

Today was another great day. I've got a head cold and am losing my voice...I didn't feel much like going to church, but we went anyway. We're babysitting a friend's dog this weekend and before church Connor insisted that we give Trudy (a BIG golden retriever) more food and water. We were in a hurry, but Connor wouldn't leave until we checked to make sure she was okay. It was so cool to watch Craig and Connor fill the dog dish. Connor was so proud of himself....and I was so proud that we're raising a son who is concerned about others.

We got to church on time...Sawyer flirted shamelessly with anyone who would look his way. Connor and Jackson went to Sunday School...and Craig and I went to Sunday School and Contemporary Service. When we went to pick Connor and Jackson up...they were playing together so nicely. I stopped for a moment just to soak it in. The teachers told us how good they both were. The one added that Connor told them that his mommy tells him I love you everyday. They asked if his mommy ever yells and he said no. (little white lie) I know there are no secrets in our house because Connor will tell you where we keep the check book if you ask....but it was awesome to hear that he shares his love for his family.

After lunch, Jackson went straight to the train table. He loves playing with Thomas the tank engine. He starting to talk a lot more now. He makes up scenarios about the trains...he'll have Thomas in a ditch...then Sir Handel comes to the rescue...all while Sir Topham Hat is standing by. He is so dear. He does have a thing with screaming though....when he gets excited, he screams...no, he shreaks, squeals...whatever you want to call it...its got to stop. We started giving him time outs when he does it...I'm conflicted about that though, I don't want to limit his expressiveness. (Is that a word?)

Anyway...

I'm so blessed.

It is getting harder to go to work. I want to spend every day with my boys. I try to put my faith in God. If I'm supposed to be home...or change careers..then He'll make it happen.

Tomorrow is Memorial Day. I'll take a moment to remember the men and women who sacrificed for our freedom. I pray my boys never will have to put their lives on the line....but so many mothers have lost their little boys (and girls) for our nation.

My First Entry

I've wanted to do this for a long time now. My motivation is simple. I don't want to forget. There is so much that happens each day in our house....I want to remember it forever.

We have three little boys. Connor is almost 4, Jackson is 2 1/2 and Sawyer is 7 months old. They are truly the little loves of my life. (Their daddy, Craig, is the big love of my life.) I cannot imagine my life without them...though I'd probably be getting more sleep. I work full time...and then come home and work full-time. It is the best, busiest, craziest, most exhausting, most exhillarating job I've ever had. The problem is...my brain is getting a little fuzzy. I'm only half kidding. After three kids in three years...I can't seem to remember much at all. So...I'm turning to a blog. This way, there's a permanent record of my thoughts!

Last weekend, Connor walked into our bedroom at about 11:00. The wind was picking up and it was going to rain. Connor rushed in...with a perfectly straight face...and said, "mom, its an emergency!" He went on to say that he was worried that his toys were outside..and the baby birds we'd been watching for the past week were in their nest. He threw his arm into the air and said...mommy, you need to put your arm up in the air and tell the rain to stop!.

He was so serious. It made me stop in my tracks, that he thought I could do that. A few days later we were outside and it was windy. He told me he was going to stop the wind. So, he put his hand up and told the wind to stop.

I asked where he learned that...he said, Jesus did. He went on to tell me that in his Bible story book Jesus calmed the water. He thought he could do the same. Wow.